2008 Woodie Awards
Horoscopes
Steve Kennedy and Matthew C. Egan
Issue date: 10/23/06 Section: Arts & Entertainment
Monday, October 23, 2006
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Be mindful of your fashion. Your lunch time planet is approaching the plane of the hungry nebula. This definitely suggests that it's PEANUT BUTTERJELLY TIME, but the need for a baseball bat is still unclear.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Restlessness may stir you this week, but avoid letting the urge to move around get the best of you. Avoid trespassing on Birdman's real estate by all means neccessary.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): The need to joyride in your favorite vehicle will overcome you this week. This may cause a higher than normal gas/maintenance bill. The good news? You can save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to public transportation.
Aries (March 21-April 19): The need to express yourself is the order of the day. Go ahead and let the little person deep inside you out to play. However, do not let that little person partake in underground nuclear bomb testing.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Your studies and projects will become increasingly difficult. You may find yourself struggling specifically with math. Your lucky number is ab2+3a3b-5ab where a equals the circumference of the surface of Mars.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): This week is a week of humor for you. Your LOL star is in line with the ROFL constellation, and will be in harmony with the LMAO planet. Remember: Friends don't let friends laugh while eating crackers.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Try not to tire this week as you will do much walking. The campus is a large place, so pace yourself. Keep your eye on the ground and do not step on the squirrels.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Flowers are your enemy this week and they coordinate your downfall as you pass by, neglecting to take in the nature of it all. Pet the black cat this week, but don't take the blue pill.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Love is in the air dear Virgo, and it's time to cash in on the slot machine of love. Take that risk, you'll thank yourself the next day.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Appreciate your second teacher of the day, he or she is secretly rooting for you.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Pick a fight with someone bigger than you. Your rising sign will protect your soul, you're on your own with the broken nose however.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It's time to do some research into that culture that has always intrigued you. It will come in handy before you know it.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Be mindful of your fashion. Your lunch time planet is approaching the plane of the hungry nebula. This definitely suggests that it's PEANUT BUTTERJELLY TIME, but the need for a baseball bat is still unclear.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Restlessness may stir you this week, but avoid letting the urge to move around get the best of you. Avoid trespassing on Birdman's real estate by all means neccessary.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): The need to joyride in your favorite vehicle will overcome you this week. This may cause a higher than normal gas/maintenance bill. The good news? You can save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to public transportation.
Aries (March 21-April 19): The need to express yourself is the order of the day. Go ahead and let the little person deep inside you out to play. However, do not let that little person partake in underground nuclear bomb testing.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Your studies and projects will become increasingly difficult. You may find yourself struggling specifically with math. Your lucky number is ab2+3a3b-5ab where a equals the circumference of the surface of Mars.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): This week is a week of humor for you. Your LOL star is in line with the ROFL constellation, and will be in harmony with the LMAO planet. Remember: Friends don't let friends laugh while eating crackers.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Try not to tire this week as you will do much walking. The campus is a large place, so pace yourself. Keep your eye on the ground and do not step on the squirrels.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Flowers are your enemy this week and they coordinate your downfall as you pass by, neglecting to take in the nature of it all. Pet the black cat this week, but don't take the blue pill.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Love is in the air dear Virgo, and it's time to cash in on the slot machine of love. Take that risk, you'll thank yourself the next day.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Appreciate your second teacher of the day, he or she is secretly rooting for you.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Pick a fight with someone bigger than you. Your rising sign will protect your soul, you're on your own with the broken nose however.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It's time to do some research into that culture that has always intrigued you. It will come in handy before you know it.
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