2008 Woodie Awards
I <3
Julia Eckhardt
Issue date: 1/7/08 Section: A&E
Welcome to the year two-double-oh-eight, my friends. It's time once again to embrace our natural instincts to believe that we weren't good enough the way we were in good old 2007 and start that unique, heartwarming tradition that happens every year, over and over: New Year's resolutions.
Maybe people with no lives make their lists before the New Year, but for a busy lady like me, a week after does just fine. You know, oddly enough, year after year, friends and family members make resolutions they never keep, despite the fresh faced enthusiasm they jump off with. Still, despite the odds against me, I've decided to take a chance on myself and start a list of resolutions designed to bring me into the year 2009 a better person than I am now. I am 100 percent dedicated to becoming the kind of citizen this country needs, and I've got the resolutions to prove it.
Resolution #1:
Find a dictionary and find out what the following words mean:
• bobolink
• brobdingnagian
• Antidisestablishmentarianism
• zwischenzug
• Immunohematologic
This will make me smarter and more in tune with the competitively intelligent American public, which I understand is envied all over the world for the fair and just reasoning. Truly, I must make this my goal.
Resolution #2
Learn a way to make an episode of "The Simpsons" a part of my daily life. I've been wasting too much time by reading books. My plan is to invest in an iPod with video capabilities and hide it during class, or maybe just watch it while I drive.
Resolution #3
Learn a new skill, like rock climbing or typing really fast.
Resolution #5
Work out more and get in shape like celebrities do. I might try not eating for a few days at a time, or I hear jogging is good.
Resolution #6
Buy a Sudoku book. It's about time I learned numbers.
Resolution #7
Become a politically informed voter and participating citizen. In order to do this, I will TiVo Fox News twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
Disclaimer: Neither I, nor La Voz Weekly, claim that any of these resolutions are sensible. Nor do I or we support Fox News, enough said.
Maybe people with no lives make their lists before the New Year, but for a busy lady like me, a week after does just fine. You know, oddly enough, year after year, friends and family members make resolutions they never keep, despite the fresh faced enthusiasm they jump off with. Still, despite the odds against me, I've decided to take a chance on myself and start a list of resolutions designed to bring me into the year 2009 a better person than I am now. I am 100 percent dedicated to becoming the kind of citizen this country needs, and I've got the resolutions to prove it.
Resolution #1:
Find a dictionary and find out what the following words mean:
• bobolink
• brobdingnagian
• Antidisestablishmentarianism
• zwischenzug
• Immunohematologic
This will make me smarter and more in tune with the competitively intelligent American public, which I understand is envied all over the world for the fair and just reasoning. Truly, I must make this my goal.
Resolution #2
Learn a way to make an episode of "The Simpsons" a part of my daily life. I've been wasting too much time by reading books. My plan is to invest in an iPod with video capabilities and hide it during class, or maybe just watch it while I drive.
Resolution #3
Learn a new skill, like rock climbing or typing really fast.
Resolution #5
Work out more and get in shape like celebrities do. I might try not eating for a few days at a time, or I hear jogging is good.
Resolution #6
Buy a Sudoku book. It's about time I learned numbers.
Resolution #7
Become a politically informed voter and participating citizen. In order to do this, I will TiVo Fox News twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
Disclaimer: Neither I, nor La Voz Weekly, claim that any of these resolutions are sensible. Nor do I or we support Fox News, enough said.
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