2008 Woodie Awards
Love Voze
Shabnam Mahmoudkhan
Issue date: 6/2/08 Section: Features
Dear Love Voz,
I have been in a relationship with a guy for three years. He is really kind, funny and he loves me a lot - which is great - but he loves me so much that he becomes jealous about the "guy friends" around me. He had several fights with my friends regarding these issues. I'm beginning to lose my feelings for him, so I talked to him about breaking up. Honestly, I never thought it would be this hard. Because he has a bad temper, every time I bring up the words "breaking up," he gets really angry and starts yelling at me. He even threatened me that he can ruin my school life. I was scared at that time, so I bought it. The police were involved in one of our fights too. I've been holding my urge that I want to break up for a year, and now, I actually started to have feelings for another guy who works with me. He asked me out and we are so ready to get together ... except that I am still with my boyfriend. Recently, I called up my boyfriend and told him that I like somebody else and want to break up. Afterwards he got mad as usual. He begged me and promised me that he will change. I know that it's my fault that I like somebody else while I'm still in a relationship, but it is really hard for me to just ignore this guy and walk away...I cannot do that. How can I get out of this cycle? What should I do?
- Unnamed Female
Female Expert
Dear Unnamed,
Unfortunately, your "situation" is not unique. There are plenty of young women and men who believe jealousy is a sign of affection and love. It's not. Jealousy and possessiveness are signs of insecurity and emotional immaturity within a person and have nothing to do with you. Sure, to a certain point, jealousy can be positive and even sexy. It's human. However, the man you're describing sounds psychopathic and you need to be strong and get yourself out of this.
My advice to you is to tell him that you are done. Tell him either somewhere public, so it's crowded, or have someone go with you. Don't stick around for him to yell or argue - it is not a debate. We're in the United States, year 2008. He can't force you to be with him. Walk away and stay away, change your number and, if necessary, get a restraining order. There have been too many similar cases where young girls have been physically hurt, so you need to take this seriously, just in case. It doesn't matter how great you think he is deep inside, he can't contribute to a healthy relationship unless he works on himself first.
I have been in a relationship with a guy for three years. He is really kind, funny and he loves me a lot - which is great - but he loves me so much that he becomes jealous about the "guy friends" around me. He had several fights with my friends regarding these issues. I'm beginning to lose my feelings for him, so I talked to him about breaking up. Honestly, I never thought it would be this hard. Because he has a bad temper, every time I bring up the words "breaking up," he gets really angry and starts yelling at me. He even threatened me that he can ruin my school life. I was scared at that time, so I bought it. The police were involved in one of our fights too. I've been holding my urge that I want to break up for a year, and now, I actually started to have feelings for another guy who works with me. He asked me out and we are so ready to get together ... except that I am still with my boyfriend. Recently, I called up my boyfriend and told him that I like somebody else and want to break up. Afterwards he got mad as usual. He begged me and promised me that he will change. I know that it's my fault that I like somebody else while I'm still in a relationship, but it is really hard for me to just ignore this guy and walk away...I cannot do that. How can I get out of this cycle? What should I do?
- Unnamed Female
Female Expert
Dear Unnamed,
Unfortunately, your "situation" is not unique. There are plenty of young women and men who believe jealousy is a sign of affection and love. It's not. Jealousy and possessiveness are signs of insecurity and emotional immaturity within a person and have nothing to do with you. Sure, to a certain point, jealousy can be positive and even sexy. It's human. However, the man you're describing sounds psychopathic and you need to be strong and get yourself out of this.
My advice to you is to tell him that you are done. Tell him either somewhere public, so it's crowded, or have someone go with you. Don't stick around for him to yell or argue - it is not a debate. We're in the United States, year 2008. He can't force you to be with him. Walk away and stay away, change your number and, if necessary, get a restraining order. There have been too many similar cases where young girls have been physically hurt, so you need to take this seriously, just in case. It doesn't matter how great you think he is deep inside, he can't contribute to a healthy relationship unless he works on himself first.
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