2008 Woodie Awards
Love Voz: 'I get scared and break it off'
Ehssan Barkeshli and Shabnam Mahmoudkhan
Issue date: 6/16/08 Section: Features
Dear Love Voz,
I always considered myself ready for a serious relationship, but when something comes close to that, I get scared and break it off. I think the reason I get scared is that I feel that guys just can't be trusted in serious relationships; that at one point or the other, they are going to get the wandering eye, and that's the end of a relationship. I know that there are always the guys out there who will stay committed throughout, but I think that my mind just can't grasp that concept yet ... what can I do to not chicken out when my partner decides to take it one step further? Because now, at the rate at which my relationships dissolve, I'm getting a reputation of being a player, which is definitely not the case. So what's the cure, doc? - Unnamed Female
Shabnam Mahmoudkhan, Female Expert:
Dear Unnamed,
Human beings are not biologically built to be monogamous - therefore to stay with only one partner is hard work. You can never get serious with someone and be guaranteed that it will last forever or that he never will look at another woman again.
It's all about choosing to take a risk. If you can't allow yourself to take risks in life, then you will probably never really evolve and make progress on any level. These words are parts from William Arthur Ward's poem:
"To love is to risk not being loved in return, to live is to risk dying, but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing; They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn, feel change, grow, love, Live. Only the person who risks is free."
Figure out what your fears are based on and deal with it. Nobody wants to be with someone who has intimacy issues or a fear of commitment. Make sure you're ready for the possible consequences when and if you choose to commit.
Shabnam Mahmoudkhan is a freelance reporter for La Voz.
I always considered myself ready for a serious relationship, but when something comes close to that, I get scared and break it off. I think the reason I get scared is that I feel that guys just can't be trusted in serious relationships; that at one point or the other, they are going to get the wandering eye, and that's the end of a relationship. I know that there are always the guys out there who will stay committed throughout, but I think that my mind just can't grasp that concept yet ... what can I do to not chicken out when my partner decides to take it one step further? Because now, at the rate at which my relationships dissolve, I'm getting a reputation of being a player, which is definitely not the case. So what's the cure, doc? - Unnamed Female
Shabnam Mahmoudkhan, Female Expert:
Dear Unnamed,
Human beings are not biologically built to be monogamous - therefore to stay with only one partner is hard work. You can never get serious with someone and be guaranteed that it will last forever or that he never will look at another woman again.
It's all about choosing to take a risk. If you can't allow yourself to take risks in life, then you will probably never really evolve and make progress on any level. These words are parts from William Arthur Ward's poem:
"To love is to risk not being loved in return, to live is to risk dying, but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing; They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn, feel change, grow, love, Live. Only the person who risks is free."
Figure out what your fears are based on and deal with it. Nobody wants to be with someone who has intimacy issues or a fear of commitment. Make sure you're ready for the possible consequences when and if you choose to commit.
Shabnam Mahmoudkhan is a freelance reporter for La Voz.
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