2008 Woodie Awards
In the future, your dog will walk you!
Issue date: 12/1/08 Section: Editorial
In the spirit of today's news media obsession with gabbing on and on about what might happen, if this happens, we at La Voz would like to close out the quarter with a list of predictions for the future - say, ten years or so, for accuracy's sake.
Google will begin indexing the idle daydreams of its users. Google Analytics will make this data available to the public and a new branch of psychological study will thusly be born.
Oil prices rise, housing costs increase and much of the Earth's coastland is flooded over by the melting polar ice caps. Millions of people begin living in colonies of makeshift houseboats near where their coastal homes and cities used to be.
Mike Huckabee will return to run for the office of President of the United States in 2012, and after his victory in the primary, will choose Stephen Colbert as his running mate. They will win the election.
Todd and Sarah Palin will become the first co-presidents of a new separatist nation in Alaska.
Tiger Woods will win two of the four golf majors after his recovery from reconstructive knee surgery.
Britney Spears will continue her recent reemergence to stardom, only to fall even harder in the longrun.
After leaving office, President George W. Bush will become a philanthropist, jump on the Habitat for Humanity bandwagon and found a charity organization with the goal of ending the proliferation of nuclear weapons worldwide - but first, 18 holes with pop.
A religious cult established to worship the tenets of Bob Dylan will reach its one millionth member.
The Minnesota Twins will win the World Series, proving you don't need a $130 million third baseman to be successful.
Starbucks and Walmart franchises will become embroiled in corporate territorial warfare spanning the globe. Thousands of lives will be lost.
When the San Andreas and Hayward Faults go, California will detach from continental North America. Arnold Schwarzenegger will take the opportunity to declare California as sovereign and establish himself as king of the island nation.
Cabrillo College's student newspaper "The Voice" will continue to wind down in circulation and readers' interest, being reduced to serving only the most banal of purposeful uses: wrapping fish, packing boxes, lighting Duraflame logs, lining cages of vermin, etc. It's editorial staff will disappear into obscurity.
So ends our imaginings! Farewell, fall quarter!
Google will begin indexing the idle daydreams of its users. Google Analytics will make this data available to the public and a new branch of psychological study will thusly be born.
Oil prices rise, housing costs increase and much of the Earth's coastland is flooded over by the melting polar ice caps. Millions of people begin living in colonies of makeshift houseboats near where their coastal homes and cities used to be.
Mike Huckabee will return to run for the office of President of the United States in 2012, and after his victory in the primary, will choose Stephen Colbert as his running mate. They will win the election.
Todd and Sarah Palin will become the first co-presidents of a new separatist nation in Alaska.
Tiger Woods will win two of the four golf majors after his recovery from reconstructive knee surgery.
Britney Spears will continue her recent reemergence to stardom, only to fall even harder in the longrun.
After leaving office, President George W. Bush will become a philanthropist, jump on the Habitat for Humanity bandwagon and found a charity organization with the goal of ending the proliferation of nuclear weapons worldwide - but first, 18 holes with pop.
A religious cult established to worship the tenets of Bob Dylan will reach its one millionth member.
The Minnesota Twins will win the World Series, proving you don't need a $130 million third baseman to be successful.
Starbucks and Walmart franchises will become embroiled in corporate territorial warfare spanning the globe. Thousands of lives will be lost.
When the San Andreas and Hayward Faults go, California will detach from continental North America. Arnold Schwarzenegger will take the opportunity to declare California as sovereign and establish himself as king of the island nation.
Cabrillo College's student newspaper "The Voice" will continue to wind down in circulation and readers' interest, being reduced to serving only the most banal of purposeful uses: wrapping fish, packing boxes, lighting Duraflame logs, lining cages of vermin, etc. It's editorial staff will disappear into obscurity.
So ends our imaginings! Farewell, fall quarter!
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