2008 Woodie Awards
Joe the Plumber's novelist aspirations put him among America's literary greats
Evan DuCharme
Issue date: 12/1/08 Section: Opinion
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Yes, Joe the Plumber. The inclusion of Samuel Wurzelbacher - Joe's less-catchy full name - in the list of great American authors may cause a good deal of surprise from so-called literary know-it-alls, but it's a victory for the American dream.
Sure, Wurzelbacher may not have a great education in literary classics, or any education at all. He's not even writing the book himself, thanks to co-writer Thomas Tabback.
But isn't that the true mark of American greatness: not working and getting paid? And isn't it the mark of a true genius to use any feasible medium to make a fortune without care or regret for destroying any remaining semblance of dignity and respect within the medium?
I believe it was Mr. Fyodor Dostoevsky who said that books are just ways to make a quick buck, or maybe it was Kafka. Regardless, Wurzelbacher's (yes, I know, awesome last name) literary attempt may be underappreciated.
For what is a better storyline than the existentialist crisis facing the plumber who dreams of bigger things and, against all odds (but with the help of several money-grubbing publishing houses), accomplishes it?
The story will undoubtedly follow the journey of Joe, coincidentally a plumber, seeking revenge for his lowly position in society. Like the late and quite hesitant Hamlet, Joe will struggle indecisively between crawling out of his plumbing to become a great economist, musician or plumber with a legitimate license before finally rejecting his fate and becoming an author.
Buried in the incredibly morbid and equally inspirational work will be spots of comic relief. He'll have our sides splitting with laughter as we find out his real name isn't Joe, he was never a licensed plumber, and he's really, really broke. But we'll quickly turn to tears over his struggle to achieve literary triumph in the form of wads of cash.
Through this journey spanning the range of human emotions, we are asked never to forget the will and steely strength of character in the man who the holy deity Fox News has proclaimed the typical American.
So to all who say Wurzelbacher should be ashamed of cashing in on his fifteen minutes of fame in the same way a one-hit wonder musician soaks up the most amount of fame and fortune as humanly possible, I say look to our other favorite American authors.
Consider their past occupations before judging. Ernest Hemingway was a bullfighter, John Steinbeck counted dogs for the government census during the depression and Harriet Beecher Stowe was a slave.
Let's give Wurzelbacher some credit where credit is due. At least his book will be better than Britney Spears's or Paris Hilton's.
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